Even healthy relationships come to an end. Do you ever wonder what happened with yours? A lot of times when you end a relationship, you may ask yourself what happened. You may read tons of magazine articles or get relationship advice from your friends. More often than not, when a relationship ends, you sit and wonder where your relationship issues began and if any of it is your fault. Good dating advice is hard to come by, but I think I can help you identify seven common relationship problems that could have contributed to the change in your relationship status from "married" to "complicated".
It's the biggest no-no, yet it is probably the most common end to a relationship. I'm sure we all have been cheated on...or maybe you yourself are the cheater. Either way, most of the time, it is that one thing from which you cannot recover. It is rejection. It is disrespect. It is disloyalty. And it is embarrassing. The thing about cheating is that you must pay close attention to your partner from the beginning to learn from them their history, and their particular definition of what cheating is. Emotional affairs can hurt even worse than physical infidelity. Both are damaging in ways that are far reaching and create trust issues that stretch far into future relationships. If you are dealing with a cheater, remember, "once a cheater, always a cheater".
Pay attention to the signs. When someone lies to you, it is giving you clues into who they are as a person. Like cheating, lying destroys the glue of a relationship: trust. How can you trust a liar? What is this person trying to hide? Crazy part about lies is that you usually have to tell multiple lies in order to make the original lie make sense. You may even have to make yourself believe your own lies in order to make your partner believe you. I believe that everyone tells a lie every now and again. Some lies are for the best. But lies that are purposely hurtful, are ill-intended, or can really devastate the one you love are definitely a deal breaker. Crazy how cheating and lying go hand in hand, like they are married.
The first 90 days or so in a relationship is the "best behavior" period. We do any and everything to win affections and time. We definitely put our best foot forward and try our best to hide little quirks about us that may not be the most desirable. By six months, usually the facade is completely overturned. You can't help but to show your true colors. You end up seeing multiple sides of a person. You may have seen some questionable habits or find out secrets that you did not previously know. Your boo can start off really sweet, and in the end turn out to be controlling, mean, or high maintenance. Sometimes circumstances and situations can also bring out the worst in people. Like, for example, do NOT wake me out of a restful sleep, you might get cussed out lol.
Your expectations are just completely unrealistic. I gotta tell you, if you think your girl or your dude is perfect, you are in for a rude awakening. When dealing with another adult human being, you have to always keep in mind that this person, just like yourself, makes mistakes. He or she gets scared, nervous, does not always know the correct thing to say or do. No one is completely without flaw. Relationships are about compromise, patience, and hard work toward the same goal. As long as you both have an understanding, you can work through any kinks that may come about. But you have to just be real with yourself.
Emotional baggage. Trust issues. Abandonment issues. Daddy issues. Some people are really traumatized walking around here like they normal, healthy people. Sadly, a lot of times we don't realize that we carry so much baggage and so many burdens from relationship to relationship, picking more up along the way. If these issues remain unchecked, they will surely kill any relationship you're in. Have you ever been with a person who was not completely over their ex? Or someone who doesn't trust because of things that have been done by the people closest to them? It's pretty much a losing battle. Especially if that person does not make a genuine effort to stop dragging that damn luggage around.
Another clear way to make a person distrust you is to invade their privacy. It is not healthy to snoop through anyone's phone, social media, email. Just because you are dating them does NOT give you a right to go through their things. You don't own your partner, and you don't own his or her stuff. Who wants to have to worry about leaving you alone in their bedroom, bathroom, or car? Who wants to be scared to leave you around their phone? If you don't trust the person you are with, then what is the point? It is too much work to have to monitor someone's activity. Following your man when he says he's going somewhere is NOT CUTE, ladies....and it definitely ain't cute for a dude to do either. But you know what's really not cute? Insecurity.
Communication rules the nation. You actually have to talk about stuff with your partner. If you don't like letting other people in on what's on your mind or your heart, then a relationship is not for you. You can't bottle things up until they erupt or explode. And you definitely cannot expect anything of your partner without expressing it. So many of us were not given the tools to correctly handle a lot of things that happen to us. This breeds unhealthy communication when it comes to issues that make us uncomfortable or embarrassed. You must face issues head on even if they may not be easy to address. When things go unspoken, you will certainly build resentment.
It seems to be common practice for relationships to just end without any explanation or resolution of any sort. When a relationship ends, it is absolutely necessary to have a civilized adult conversation, especially if children, property, or a lot of time was involved. Remember we talked about that resentment that builds when you don't communicate? Well, this is even true after the relationship is over. If you have unfinished business with your ex you can become depressed, distrusting, and unhealthy. You will just add on another suitcase to carry to the next person. Confess your issues, anger, hurt, wrongdoings to help aid the healing process for yourself and for the person that you once couldn't bear to part. You owe it to you.
Of course, relationships can end for any number of reasons, and the seven above mentioned common mistakes are just a few that I may have dealt with personally or through people close to me. Relationship problems can arise with those with whom you are intimate just as well as your friends, family, or colleagues. When you are in a partnership of any kind, you must make sure to keep the trust and communication strong in order to succeed. You also can overcome anything with enough hard work, determination, and time. Just be careful of burning bridges, and always watch out for the warning signs. They are always there.
I Am Kam
Empathetic. Sensitive. Nurturing. Intuitive. Insightful. Intellectual.