Routine. The #1 killer of Bosshood. How can you be the boss if Routine is your boss? Everything in life of course has cycles, most of them repeating themselves at regular intervals in procession. Although some of those cycles are necessary, others can most definitely be detrimental to many facets of your life.
As an observer of people and constant scrutinizer of self, I have noticed many patterns and traits of unhappy people. I will list a few below, and I promise you will identify with at least 2, probably more of them. Bring attention to them and try to conceptualize what behaviors through which you express any of these damaging thought processes. With full realization, you can finally become the Boss.
So many of us are being held up by things that have happened to us. Grudges, unrequited love, missed opportunities, phobias. Stop living in the past! Your past is a pool of experience which helps you draw conclusions about life, but it does not have to be where you dwell. Those of us who are stuck in the past, have very unhealthy perspectives on life. A lot of people who are dissatisfied with life had expectations of how things were supposed to be that were based on past experiences. You never go after that job because you have been turned down by so many potential employers, or you spend your days moping through life because you always thought you would be a big-time actor. You cannot start writing the next chapter of your life, if you are too busy re-reading the last one. It's DEPRESSING!
2. Stop living in the future.
You are so focused on the goal that you can't appreciate the journey. They are both equally important, and I would even argue that the process may be the most important part of reaching your goal. Be appreciative of each step and each minor stride. Celebrate small victories regularly. Even if it is "Yaaay! I didn't give up on my dreams for X amount of days". You could become frustrated with yourself if you are always so focused on the future that you cannot live in the present. This makes you anxious, stressed, have digestive issues, constant fatigue and/or insomnia. Life is a process, be one with it, and appreciate the experience. Lessons are to be learned from each breath.
Some people base everything they are doing on what others are doing. From the shoes they wear, to the age at which they marry. Do you base your own timeline on someone else you know? Or even worse, someone else you don't know (celebrity? church member?) When you do this, try to understand that you are denouncing the significance and importance of your own existence. You are telling yourself, someone else's life is better than yours. You build a sense of jealousness and resentment. Even anger. Why?? Look at Instagram at your "friends'" posts and see how they make you feel. Do you, boo boo. (lol, you know the voice I said that in).
4. Stop procrastinating!
Get off yo ass and do something! And stop telling yourself you can do it later...even one minute later! You will look up and see a whole day, a whole week, a whole year, ten years have passed you by and you have lost a good portion of your life and youth putting off until the tomorrow that never came. Prioritization is key. Make a list of important tasks and rank them. If not, you will find yourself with a whole bunch of things piled up on your plate and not enough time to attend to them all. I know one thing, this procrastination bug has made me late to every single engagement work or otherwise that I have ever attended. And it stresses me out every time.
5. Stop caring about what others think.
When you worry about what others think, it holds you back from expressing yourself. How unhappy is the person who is stifled in any way from being himself and creating his own experience? This could in some ways be related to comparing yourself to others, but sometimes, it isn't that you want what someone else has at all. You just are worried about what they will think or how they will interpret what you do with your own life. How you dress. If you decide to move across country, away from your family. If you denounce your religion. What will they think? You will never be happy, living your life based on what makes others happy.
Have you ever heard someone say "If only such-and-such hadn't hated on me, I would have abc (job, house, car, etc.)"?! How is EVERYTHING someone else's fault? The blame game should get old after a while, but I think the victim card is sometimes a force of habit. People do "play" it sometimes to their advantage, but I don't think they realize how much it mirrors into their default position in life. The next time something "happens to you", take a minute. Breathe deeply and close your eyes. Try to realize how you attracted this situation to yourself. After all, every action we take draws us closer to a future result. How could you have caused a different result? Sometimes, there's nothing you could've done, and in those times, you should accept that it was not your fault. But 8.5 times out of ten, you could've chosen something different that would've changed the whole outcome. Now, I'm not saying to live in the Land of "ShouldaCouldaWoulda" either, but know your role and live with it. You will regret less.
A close friend of mine once told me that she doesn't set goals for herself because she was afraid of being disappointed. She said every time she looked forward to anything, either it didn't happen, or it was very short-lived, only seeming to be snatched from her as soon as it was in her grasp. She said she felt like that was her fate, like she deserved nothing but unhappiness for some unknown crime she had committed. Why don't you feel you deserve to be happy? The reason we were Created was because it made God happy to be able to express Himself in whatever way He chose to do so. One of those ways was you, yourself. Why wouldn't you, as one of God's Creations, be One who deserves to be as happy as the One who created Him?! If that is was he so chooses. But in the same way, if you choose to be unhappy, you deserve that too.
8. Take time for yourself.
I can't express enough how important it is that you set aside a little "Me" time from time to time. Not everyone has the luxury to do it daily at this point in our journeys, but every so often, you have to be able to get away from it all and do what makes you happy. The first step to that may be to figure out what does that for you. What are you passionate about? Do you like to dance? Does singing bring you joy? Do you like to paint? Or do you just need 5 minutes to breathe and stretch? That ain't a crime, boo. You have to work some time for that into your schedule to reset and unwind. Give you a sense of "home-base". It's rough out here every day, we have to feel at ease at least sometimes to keep from exploding either figuratively or literally!